$50,000 Less of (one in) a Million

In continuation of the tale, comes what I feel is the most crucial part of the story.

Meet Jacob.

Months had passed and I still continued to try to figure where my relationship stood. That was until that day in October. There was Jacob. He was tall and completely the opposite of my china blue eyed bow. He was slender, and had a commanding sense. He came into the room and sat a few chairs down from me. Wearing an outfit that would not be revered by blue eyes seem somewhat refreshing to me. Though he didn't talk to me. I tried to talk to Jacob, but he was obviously highly sought after and couldn't find a moment to chat. That was until the next meeting. China eyes and I were still fighting and nothing was getting better.

After the following meeting Jacob started talking to me outside of the room. One of his friends came up, and as I began to walk away thinking that this guy was one giant network-a-holic, and knew everyone and their mother, He asked me to wait. We walked for about 500 feet and him and I ping ponged conversation, until he said he was hungry and wanted to get dinner before his class, and asked if I wanted to come.

I agreed, and we headed towards the grille and got seats at the bar and started talking. Turns out we both were interested in many of the same things, things that china blue eyes didn't really care about. Well time flew and I remembered he had class. He decided to skip class just to hang out with me, and we walked back to campus to return his library book later, after him catching me before I fell completely in the puddle.

Out of all the complications and traumas of the ugly months leading up to Jacob and I meeting were only going to be tripled by the drama of Jacob-the guy who I managed to fall in love with as I was on my way out of a previous relationship. Did I say fall in love? What I meant to say was I fell out of one relationship and into Jacobs arms(literally),which would eventually bring China Blue Eyes back to me, which would be the reason CBE would resent me and leave me. I guess one could say that I felt like a circus performer-- the diver that dives off a high platform and into a small cup of water, in which everything vanishes completely. I clung to Jacob for an escape from CBE, as if Jacob was the last life boat to leave the Titanic. I inflicted upon him every hope for my salvation and happiness. And I did manage to fall in love with Jacob. The only word I could think of to describe my love for Jacob was "desperate". I was desperate for love, to be loved, and that's was I was lacking.

Jacob and I began to spend a lot of time together--days, weekends, and months. Jacob made me laugh, showed me new things, and showed me an overall good time. Though I still could not stop thinking about CBE. CBE and I would talk on the phone occasionally and he would usually say something negative to me, and end up making me cry, and thus, scoring me a tear fest from 11pm till 4:30am. Though in desperate love, it's always like this-We always invent the character of our partners, demanding that they be what we need of them, and then feeling devastated when they refuse to perform the role we created in the first place. And this is exactly what I did to Jacob. I pushed and pushed for our relationship, always asking what he thought of us and if he saw a future of us being together, because it was after all what I had wanted and waited for from CBE.

But Jacob and I had a great time in those early months, and he seemed genuinely interested me. He was my romantic hero, and I was still living his dream. It was excitement and compatibility like I'd never imagined. We invented our own language to describe things, we went on walks, stayed up to watch sock puppets, the galaxy collide (even though nothing happened), we ate ice cream and just talked. We talked a lot. We set goals, made promises and dinner together. We gave each other the same nicknames. Jacob had held my heart together when it was torn from CBE. He was there when CBE wasn't and while I was happy with Jacob, my only wish was that it would be CBE here with me, making these memories with me, not Jacob.

Those first months of falling in love with Jacob, also meant that he got caught in the cross fire of fighting. I would fight with Jacob about things I wanted from CBE, except he did not even know CBE existed. Only until months later, ultimatums made, CBE called me and asked me to come over to his place, because had he something to tell me. I asked what it was about, and if we could discuss it over the phone, and he said no.

CBE had found out that Jacob and I were headed on the relationship track and I don't know whether it was a combination of me falling in love with some other man, or that CBE finally woke up and realized how much I meant to him, either way as I sat in his apartment, he grabbed my hands and looked at me with those china blue eyes, and asked me the $50,000 question I wanted for so long. "I want you as my girlfriend, Will you be my girlfriend?".